Are you a Jedi or just dog meat!
I was having a coffee a couple of days ago, when I over heard a couple arguing over their teenage son – apparently the woman thought he was going off the rails and was arguing that they should both be harder of their son to make him tow the line – whereas the guy thought they should go easy to avoid driving their son away – this seemed to just pour fuel on the women’s anger…
I don’t know anything about the truth in their perceptions of the dangers to their son but I could see that not only where they going round in circles getting angrier and angrier with each other and getting no closer to influencing their sons behaviour in the direction they wanted.
They stood up to leave, glaring daggers at each other as they set off for the door, the women gave me a smile and the man following behind gave me a palms up, “What can you do?” look.
Well, what can you do?
I don’t know about you but in my experience I see and hear these sorts of interactions are happening all the time – interactions at work, family squabbles, and problems in relationships in fact pretty much anywhere two or more people interact.
Have you ever found yourself arguing until you’re blue in the face with someone to get your point across and try and change their mind?
I’m not just talking about petty arguments here either; being able to communicate effectively is one of the crucial skills in life.
…and guess what – most of us think we’re experts already!
Of all the subjects that seem to raise people’s hackles of my training courses it is influence – are you someone who see influencing people as manipulative?
Well skilled influence certainly can be manipulative – but personally I think it all boils down to intent.
If you’re influencing someone to do something that is against their wishes, or that does not serve them etc. then that seems to me to be manipulative.
…but what about influencing people to do things that are good for them… (according to who?)
Look for win: win.
Finally if you’re still worried consider this…
There is a science and skill set associated with influencing others that has been developed by studying master communicators throughout history.
If you don’t master the skills of influence you’re quite literally dog meat for the skilled influencers that are politicians, advertisers etc. who are out to control you.
…and what about your kids – you can bet that the drug dealers and other negative forces on their lives are skilled persuaders – they’ve developed their skills in a tough world and – how are you gong to compete on the persuasion skills?
I’ll tell you this; telling them what to do and not do will only breed minimum compliance – and even then only where you’re around!
Make no mistake – learning the skills of influential communication are central to your happiness in life. that’s why I love teaching these on my training courses, but if you can’t get to a course then the best deal I’ve found is here.
It might be “sold” in a bit of a “cheesy” way, but the material and Igor are both world class. I admit to being sceptical before I bought it but I’m delighted to report they actually over deliver!
Check this out…
All the best,
Anth.
PS: The rebel they’re talking about was actually thought to be one of the best hypnotherapists the world has ever seen Milton Erickson - Talk about using your influence skills to help others 
if you get 20% as good as him when you buy this, I know you’ll be delighted.
April 21st, 2009 at 4:01 pm
“you can bet that the drug dealers and other negative forces on their lives are skilled persuaders” When i read that - you lost any credibilty I thought you had - poor. Also gettin a bit tired of you punting links to BS yank stuff.
April 21st, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Now this is quite interesting Anth. There is Anth Quinn who we know and trust ( well I know you and trust you, in a professional capacity) and then there is the completely unctuous, tediously long and, in my mind, rather unpleasant marketing spiel of the hypnosis programme. The combination sets up quite a dilemma. I know from good experience that if you say a product is approriate to a situation and give it a good endorsment then it is just that, but, for this one, I would need further independant verification….it looks loathesome!
April 21st, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Hey Dave,
No worries Dave, I’m sorry to hear that you believe that I have lost any credability in your eyes and respect your right to think what you want of me. If you don’t like my recommendations feel free to unsubscribe.
All I can say is that for all the “focus” of the marketing copy on the page is a bit “full on” the techniques and information in Igor’s product is very good. As someone who recogises the power of conversational change work I chose to pay full-price for the conversational hypnosis course and I am delighted with both the qualitiy and the amount of information received.
Drug dealers?
Try this, all the cool kids are into it…, look even so and so pop star (showing my age) uses it and look at how much money and respect he gets…
If you’re a kid living in a tough community where the only people who have cash, flash clothes and cars are the drug dealers who do you think the kids are going to aspire to be.
We all look to role models especially when growing up.
You could just try a little and see how it goes… etc. etc.
Well, I was kind of emphasising a point and I stand by it - you, I and everyone else in society is exposed to vast amounts of “under the radar” professional influence persuading us that that smart red car will make grown women swoon - that’ll be the same women that are paying a fortune for some flash hair product “becuase they’re worth it” and it’s not just marketing…
…all great speaking, speaking which moves the hearts of nations to war or creates a flood of public giving towards some great need, is nothing but conversational hypnosis… for good and bad.
Whether you choose to give me any credability or not, the truth is that the vast majority of people live their lives like robots to these masters in persuasion - and somehow we got sold on the idea that influence is a bad thing! I wonder who sold us on that?
If you want to break out of this then the “tools of influence” will not only help you do that but you’ll come to know yourself and your true desires more deeply too - this is why I love teaching how to use this material “ethically” (whatever that means) to people who want to take more control of their lives, while at the same time improving their relationships…
All the best,
Anth.
April 21st, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Hi Annette,
Thanks for your trust :o)
Yes I agree they’re gone for a specific market and that may not be what we would want, as I said I thought long and hard before buying it…
The term “Rebel Psychiatrist’s Control Powers Exposed” (I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have like the term - but that’s only my guess.) refers to Milton Erikson who was an amazing healer using the power of conversational hypnosis - in fact he pretty much defines the approach see here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milton_H._Erickson
I’m not saying that everyone needs to develop the skills and I am saying that most people would benefit greatly fro madopting some of his techniques to see the world from the other person’s perspective.
The conversational hypnosis program contains over 30 hours of material not to mention big books and developing mastery could take a lifetime…
Maybe for someone for whom this isn’t a primary focus this would be overkill and a Distration from what is more important.
…and I still believe that understanding and mastering some of the basics would be a great investment of anybodies time - I will see if I can find something more suitable and let you know.
Bye for now,
Anth.
April 21st, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Hey thanks Anth for the reply!
I was particularly interested in the contradictory influences on my brain of the endorsement of a product by someone who knows what they are talking about and is fabulous at what they do ( yes, thats you Anth!) and whose advice I trust and the dislike I felt at the hypnosis website. Is that cognitive dissonance? Anyway, I tried to ‘make it go away’ by looking for further independant validation of the hypnosis product ( which I found and it was positive). So, the upshot is that while I dont want to buy it as I have enough on my plate, it does appear that despite the US hard sell type marketing this is a valuable product. Yeah!
Definitely an interesting experiment and I appreciate that you put a capital letter at the begining of the word Distraction :-0)
April 21st, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Hi Anth,
Some comments on this one:
1. I have two teenaged children and they are both good. I’ve always commented on their behaviour when I deemed it inappropriate but it isn’t set as a criticism of what you should not do, it is set as an example of what you should do. My son as a for instance wants to be a pilot flying helicopters for the Army, he is a bright boy and will make a go of it. So, if there is any abberant behaviour I’ll put it to him along the lines that his bad behaviour is not what a pilot would do, because pilots have to be hugely responsible people, a pilot would avoid bad behaviour and for example, not drink alcohol to excess, if at all. I give him ‘moving to’ values rather than ‘moving from’ values [c/- Tony Robbins] So, it is a once in a blue moon situation that there are any issues with him, similarly my daughter.
2. The woman you mentioned is a b****, she has no idea!! I figure in any argument the person who gets cranky and starts shouting first has lost their ability to reason properly and to argue logically - otherwise they wouldn’t be angry - check the same couple in a few years - divorced I would bet, I would bet also that she was driving her battering ram and chose to ‘win’ the argument by going public with it - the rules are that if a bloke raises his voice in any argument then it is domestic violence - check it out - http://www.thenononsenseman.com
3. Dave - I would suggest that Anth is trying to appraise you of techniques that will help you through your struggles in life, instead of applying the ‘credibility’ blow torch to what he is suggesting why don’t you give it a consideration to see if it might help you in ’some small way’, it is like a ratchet jack - every little click of the pawl will raise your position just a little bit higher and allow you to get out of the bog of your present position - otherwise you wouldn’t be on his site.
4. Drug industry spruikers can be very persuasive, there are two very bad ones we have - Tobacco industry [thankfully being put in its box] and the Alcohol industry. They seem to win a very large number of arguments, similarly, how do you get somebody to do something that they know is bad for them?? They must be persuasive then, selling the supposed ‘pleasure’ while ignoring the pain.
Hope this helps you all.
Regards,
Nic Tomlin.
April 22nd, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Hi Anth,
I admire your patience, tact and diplomacy when responding to your blog posts. I have always been fascinated to see how people identify with you in a positive way when you give them something for nothing i.e. daily action tips etc, but use a different set of filters when you place a value on your skills or recommend a product.
I particularly liked the attempt to challenge your integrity and the rationalisation process used to justify the fact that people felt somehow disappointed or even let down, despite the fact that you were being sincere in that you feel ‘Conversational Influence’ is a worthwhile product and therefore are prepared to recommend it.
Just a bit of information for those of you out there who may not know this. Anth earns a substantial income from working in the corporate sector and does this because he ENJOYS doing it! If you don’t like it then unsubscribe, as Anth has said, and find something else to ‘get tired’ about.
I am not involved with Anth in any commercial venture or get remuneration for recommending him or his products. I’m probably one of those few people who actually know the real person and respect his intelligence, skill, integrity and professionalism. I think you do a bloody good job and actually enjoy reading your posts. I might not always agree with them but then again I’m not you, am I?
As someone who’s been involved in therapy, training, self-development etc for more years than I care to remember I’m very grateful to have met Anth last year and have developed a healthy respect for his ability to cut through the crap and provide ‘real world’ solutions to a range of issues and problems. You’ve certainly given me some very good advice and help over the last year or so and done it for free! Lost credibility? Not with me-keep on doing what you do best Anth and remember what Abraham Lincoln said about pleasing all of the people all of the time!!!
I think the programme is a good one by the way, although I would agree that it could be a distraction (lower case) due to the amount of material included. Anyway, who wants to be that good at inluencing others?