Anth Quinn

Would you be interested in buying a really simple, user-friendly tool that would allow you more control over your life, help you to recognise your choices in any given situation, and at the same time increase your productivity and peace of mind?

How much would this be worth to you?

Well, I’d like to introduce to just such a tool. The good news is, not only is it easy to use, and very effective – it’s also free! In fact, it’s always been available to you, and if you’d like to try it, you can start right now!

Begin by taking a piece of paper and drawing a line down the middle. In the left hand column make a list of everything you ‘should’ be doing in your life. Don’t hold back, or think too hard. Go with the flow and write down everything that comes to mind, without judgement. Keep writing and get as many down as you can. It really doesn’t matter how important or insignificant the items seem - we want them all! Everything from “I should lose weight” to “I should be married”. The longer the list, and the broader its scope, the more useful it will be.

Read each one (out loud, if it’s convenient) - What do you experience ? Notice how many ‘buts’ are popping into your mind!

Now for a little bit of magic!

In the right hand column, re-write each statement replacing each ‘should’ with the word ‘could’ and finish the statement with ‘if…’.

Now read each one of these statements (out loud again, if it’s convenient) - How does this experience differ from the first read through ? Notice if some of the ‘buts’ have become ‘ands’

Chances are it felt a whole lot better on the second reading, and your mind will now automatically begin to search for answers as to how you could indeed do whatever it was you said you could.

Using ‘could’ rather than ‘should’ immediately takes the pressure off. It introduces options and choice. It encourages us to take ownership of the situation, rather than seeing it as something imposed on us from ‘out there’. It triggers us into seeking out solutions. It flags up potential actions. It sets us on the road to setting clear goals.

In short, moving from “I should…but…” to “I could…if…” statements shifts us from a problem-focused perspective to a solution-focused perspective. That’s how powerful our choice of language is – reason enough to begin removing all ‘shoulds’, ‘musts’ and ‘have tos’ from your daily speech! Try disposing of ‘can’t’ too, while you’re at it!

If you haven’t already done it naturally, the next step is to finish off your sentences. For example: “I could lose weight, if I had the support of two friends who were working on losing weight at the same time”.

I hope you can see how this simple tool can help generate answers to the challenges you face which the pressure of any ‘should…but…’ thinking may have been blinding you to.

For some of the items on your list you may find that your entry in the right-hand column is “I could…if I wanted to, but I just don’t want to.’ This is valid learning! It could set you on the road to exploring and understanding more fully some subconscious beliefs and uncomfortable emotions that have been controlling you and your life without you even realising they were there. Once limiting beliefs and uncomfortable emotions are named, owned and acknowledged, they become far easier to manage! The first step to overcoming any obstacle is to acknowledge that an obstacle exists!’

This simple technique also helps us to get around our ‘inner child’ which, much like a real child, often has a tendency to rebel fiercely at the merest suggestion that it ‘should’ do something at anybody else’s request -even if that ‘something’ is patently in its own best interests! It seems we’re never too old to ‘spit the dummy’!

I suspect that if you try this exercise you’ll be amazed at how powerful and empowering it is -but, why take my word for it!

You COULD give it a try and see what happens!

Worksheet Here

This entry was posted on Monday, March 10th, 2008 at 10:47 pm and is filed under NLP, Personal Development, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem, Take Control (Chapters 1-7). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.