What do you want from life? (Chapter 2)
Having accepted personal responsibility for our own lives, the next step in taking control of them is to identify and develop a set of clear goals.
Clear goals are essential to building the life we want, rather than settling for the one we’ve grown into. They will provide direction and motivation and, if well formed, they can literally transform our lives.
As human beings we are naturally goal-orientated. To some degree we are setting goals all the time – when we write a shopping list, for example. When we fill out a pools coupon we acknowledge that we also harbour a whole host of vague wishes and desires that will only come to fruition if fate intervenes. However, setting a clear set of “Life Goals” is a more serious and focused endeavour altogether – and can be quite a daunting task. No surprise, then, that many of us shy away from the task of setting such challenging goals. This is particularly true if we’ve tried and failed in the past and it didn’t feel good!
However, once we begin to explore our innate goal-setting capabilities, we discover that there’s help at hand. It soon becomes apparent just how keen our own subconscious mind is to help us out. Designed to foster our psychological health and growth, whilst working constantly to keep us safe, our subconscious mind can be a stalwart companion as we tackle the task of building the life we want.
Our brains are programmed to look out for what is important to us and once we have a clear goal our sub-conscious mind is always on the alert – looking out for opportunities to move us closer to it. We begin to notice things that would have passed us by had we only had a vague idea of what we wanted. An obvious example of our brains working in this way is when we decide to buy a new car. Suddenly it seems that there are huge numbers of cars just like the one we are interested in buying. Of course they have always been there, but our brain just filtered them out as unimportant until we became serious about our goal.
The greater clarity we can bring to the business of defining our goals, the more likely we are to get what we want – especially if we add a healthy dose of determination to the equation. People who achieve great things have often failed over and over again - but have flatly refused to allow setbacks to deter them from their path. They kept going until they found a way that was successful. Where many of us would have given up, they kept the aim in mind and continued to look for new ways to make it happen. Determination and creative thinking of this kind are two of the major keys to success!
Just like the individuals mentioned above, we need to always keep our overall goal in mind and if the outcome of our actions isn’t what we wanted or expected, we need to view this as valuable learning rather than an excuse to give up. We’ve simply learned one more method that doesn’t work, and one that, therefore, is not worth repeating. Hence, we need to change our approach and try again – and keep on trying until we find a way that works. After all, if we were driving home tonight and the road was blocked we wouldn’t just give up trying to get home. We’d look for another way and keep trying until we made it. Had Thomas Edison not shown such resolve, he would never have invented the light bulb! He discovered literally dozens of ways that didn’t work!
Sadly, in its over-enthusiasm to keep us safe, our subconscious mind does not always work to our advantage. The process of establishing goals can often help us to identify and confront precisely what’s preventing us from having what we want in life. As mentioned earlier, many of us have limiting beliefs and a tendency towards negative self-talk. These factors can subconsciously sabotage our efforts to change. By working towards clear goals, reflecting on what is moving us forward, and identifying what is not working for us, we can really begin to understand how we undermine our own efforts to take control of our lives.
Most of us are completely unaware of our true potential. We set our sights based on our environment and experiences to date. However, the past is only a good predictor of the future if we keep behaving in the same way. In essence, “If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always got!”
By exposing ourselves to new behaviours, new ideas, new contexts, and new experiences we can gradually transform our beliefs about what we are capable of. We can achieve things that we might previously have believed impossible for us. It’s amazing but true - we allow our self-limiting beliefs to dictate what we allow ourselves to want and expect. If we don’t think we can achieve it, we won’t go for it! Until Roger Bannister broke the four-minute mile, everyone thought it was impossible - especially his competitors. Once they’d seen it was possible, they too believed and then achieved! Try turning the maxim that ‘seeing is believing’ on its head – try believing it today so that you might see it tomorrow! History is littered with examples that what we believe is true. As Henry Ford once famously said, “Whether you believe that you can, or that you can’t – you’re absolutely right!”
I wonder what you’re capable of? - do you?
In the next chapter I’ll go into greater detail about how to develop a powerful set of goals and how to begin using them to transform your experience of life.
“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” (Henry Ford)
March 18th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
CLEAR GOALS … are the most important motivation for any individual!
March 19th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Quote
“By exposing ourselves to new behaviours, new ideas, new contexts, and new experiences we can gradually transform our beliefs about what we are capable of”
Has anyone got any ideas of how to actually do this?
Thanks,
Gabbie
March 24th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Gabbie - good question.
In reading this lesson ,I want to accept myself for my past mistakes, and replace my negative”self talk” , like instead of “i am such an unorganized, procrastinating ,paper shuffler” with “I am an overcomer,I am attacking this project”.
Encouraging to read “people who achieve great things have often failed over and over again” If this is the test for success- I am passing, with flying colors!
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:37 am
I have realised to expose oneself is to surrender to what you think is impossible and believe that the impossible is possible. This has eliminated a lot of negative self talk hope this helps
May 20th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I have an awareness that once i feel my ‘comfort zone’ being stretched or invaded i breathe and allow it to happen and just feel the fear and do it anyway-when things in my life demand me to put this into action, a bit like staring school for the first day- just feel it, breathe it, and finally for me as an individual the key to all emotions-things-places is to just accept.
Acceptance is the key to all life.When we don’t know somthing, when we do know something or even if there is just no right or wrong answer. Just Breathe and accept.
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I want to be able to stay conscious of my position, my agenda, my goals, my priorities (in the face of threatening distractions and temptations to indulge in negative emotions)
June 5th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
I am encouraed by this lesson - my new mantra” progress not perfection” helps me to get started on projects that seem daunting and hence decreases my previous procrastination
June 12th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I have been paralyzed for so many years that even picking the phone and make that very important call has been almost impossible. Yesterday I forced myself to make that phone call and have set things in motion to start towards MY MOST IMPORTANT GOAL.
June 13th, 2008 at 4:49 am
I keep having this nagging feeling that there is some greater life purpose that I have yet to determine. Slowing down to get clear and then even slowing down more is a challenge for me. I have been told I may have ADD and I seem to have very random thoughts so I tend to be very distracted most of the time masking my true experience. I am in a stage of life that making a difference somehow is very important to me. I am considering yoga and meditation. In general, I am seeking inner peace, one moment at a time.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I guess the question is how can I maintain the CHARGE forward, to be content with myself? —I thought, since I found myself stagnating and not doing for myself AGAIN, I thought and went backto work; to be with people I liked and could work with; I thought I was doing a good job too; but after two and a half years I was fired. I am at your site because I don’t want to see myself falling back into stagnation——maybe it’s not totally that, but the movement is so slow———Maybe the question is how does one maintain self interest; I feel like I need to find my other half, my validation for being. That feels like it’s answering itself.
Oh and I am completely responsible———and I have a hard time forgiving myself for my past mistakes. Example—I think I am well over it—and a memory for whatever indiscretion (years before even) will just seep through the morass and throw it’s shroud over my head and this great underlying saddness for all things is just totally crippling——-sounds like I haven’t been taking my meds——–right.
So the question is what do I want? so many things and nothing, to be involved, to not be involved; I can’t handle rejection and the acception with the exception of the rejection. I make it an issue to keep it small and just do one step at a time———-and all those crippling memories;—– at least sometimes I realize how stupid they are and they make me laugh; but if anyone is around, it’s like “What are you laughing at?” and it would not make sence to tell them……….would it?
Well got to go investigate for my next endeavor…….bye now.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:09 am
I agree with everyone who write something about thier goals. My problem is that I procrastinated. I don’t organize well and not enough time in the day to finish project. Also I like working at night it seem I get better work done at night than in the day. And I know I could use the help in any way I could get.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:59 am
this is exactly the case with me . i do procrastinate a lot.what i find it more useful when ever i make my list of goals and checking every now and then what i have achieved then i am able to achieve but when i dont i end up feeling unfulfulfilled.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:15 am
some times my mind is filled with goals i would like to achieve, to the point i can’t organize the thoughts in my head. but when i finally clear my head ( maybe not the same day), one of the things i would like to achieve is to be accepted by others and to be recognized for trying to do the best i can on what i do and somebody begins to prize me i stop him because i feel that i don’t deserve it, that i need to be humble other wise i might get arrogant and arrogant people are hard to be accepted and liked.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:53 am
What do I really want that is a hard question. I have thought about that long and hard lately. I have thought that I want more then my life can offer me but now I think that I am wrong. I don’t want to rich and I don’t want to be famous. I just want peace and tranquility. I want to be organized and happy. I want to be able to get my girls ready for school with out a fight where their stuff is and make sure dinner is on the table at a reasonalable time. Make sure the house is clean and maybe volunteer somewhere to take up some of my extra time that I am not doing anyting with. I think that is my biggest problem. I am just sitting around doing nothing with myself. I have no purpouse in my life. I need one. I need to find one. Thank You….
September 12th, 2008 at 2:43 am
Cindy, you are right, this is a hard question. It will be wise to give it a great deal of thought. It appears to me that you are attemtpting to validate yourself by things. Kids, chores, etc., however, I feel that if we answer the question honestly, then we will not have to validate ourselves by spouses, and other things; those things will validate our character as to how we perform them. After Chapter 1, I realized no one really cares who I am, nor do they hear me when I talk, all they want is what I can provide–without that, they don’t really need us. We will get there.