Would you prefer to work on your goals or…
One of the simplest ways of improving your ability to achieve more of the results you want in your life is to begin to change the words you habitually use. Most people accept that the words you use are directly related to your thinking processes, but for most that’s as far as it goes.
For many this may seem like nothing more than “psycho babble” which is only really of interest to psychologists and academics, but this would be missing a simple and very powerful tool to take control and improve your everyday experience of life.
How can you use this simple distinction to improve your experience of life immediately?
Firstly by recognising that the relationship between thoughts and words is not one way, thought may lead words, but words lead thought! This means that changing your words will change the way you experience life, immediately! This always works, simply because it is how you’re wired.
One simple way of doing this is to break out of the prison of your “OR” thinking.
While it’s easy to see the limits when someone says should I do this “OR” that, the “OR” can be more subtle (and therefore often more powerful).
When you say, “I would like to work on my goals, but I am a busy mother”, what are you revealing about how you see the world?
You are clearly indicating that you believe the choice is that you can work on my goals, OR, you can look after my kids!
If you begin to listen for it, you’ll hear this sort of thing all the time.
I would like to get a job I enjoy more, but I need to pay the mortgage
I will set up my own business when the kids leave home.
I can’t get the job I want because I procrastinate!
My guess is that you don’t have to listen to other people to get some more examples; you’ve probably got a good stock of your own.
All of these examples are clear “OR” thinking; they reveal the limiting belief that you have to choose between the options.
Bur the truth is that your brain is much smarter than that,
Your brain will answer any question you ask it!
So simply asking a more empowering question will begin to turn the key in the lock in the prison door of your limited thinking!
How different is your experience when you read out the following?
How could you work on my goals AND be a great mum?
How could you find a job you enjoy AND pay the mortgage?
How could you set up your own business AND still be there for the kids?
How could you procrastinate AND still study enough to get good grades?
If you find yourself answering I can’t – take that as a sign!
It’s a clear sign of your limited thinking? Think about it there are people all over the world doing each of these things! Thousands if not millions of them – why not you?
So keep asking the question, if you run out of answers, find some friends who support your growth and get them involved.[Note I said friends who support your growth, this is important but it’s a whole other article].
You can do more than you believe, your habitual patterns of thought and behaviour may have brought you to where you are today, but they do not define you – You can choose a different path at any time AND this simple tool will help set you free.
As a final thought for today, while coaching individuals and groups through turning their lives around I’ve found that you’ll have much more success if you make it fun. So forget grammar and add:
“AND how could you have FUN doing it?”
Anth.
April 9th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Great
Thanks
April 9th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I beleive what you are saying Anth, but I really do want to know how I can get a job I love more and pay the mortgage. Easier said then done. Other people lives are affect by any decision you make when you have a family. I want to change careers, but that change would result in a decrease of half of my pay. With one child wanting to go to medical school in two years and another in six years graduating from high school. What is a person to do? Sorry not trying to be negative, I just get frustrated when I read things about not limiting your belief and I know that I have a higher purpose then what I am doing now. Everyday is a struggle trying to figure out how I can meet my needs and my family’s needs.
April 9th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
‘Struggling through’ has voiced my concerns exactly. How do you change career when you have a mortgage and can’t afford to live on the salary you have now never mind halving it? One answer is - save for the future. Sorry, don’t have the cash to do that or very little. I might be able to have enough by the time I’m 65!
Both very negative here but I’m sure we’re not alone in our frustration…..
Great tips and emails though Anth….very thought provoking and real discussion builders. Thanks
April 9th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Hi ‘Struggling through’,
I really do appreciate your situation and nobody said it was easy; I’m not a happy clappy positive thinker. Of course it’s easier said than done.
What I am saying here is that once you begin recognise the possibility of getting a job you love AND earning even more money than you are currently you can begin to explore possible options.
Are you really saying that there are no jobs that you would enjoy that pay as much (if not more) as your current job?
I’m not suggesting walking out of your job; like I said make it easier on yourself. You may choose to study part-time, you may have to set up a part-time business, but do something – begin to explore your options, get creative and get to work on your plan.
Believe me I am not saying it’s always easy to break out of your thinking, but it’s a lot easier than the pain of accepting your lot, or waiting for someone else to decide for you.
Imagine waking up in 5 years to find you’ve been made redundant. In fact there’s a thought for you – If you woke up in 5 years and found you HAD to change careers, how would you wish you’d prepared over the intervening 5 years? And when will you get started?
All the best,
Anth.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:55 am
I think you are right about changing the way we think. I suppose everyone has some sort of psychological pattern that may be limiting us.
One simple thing I did was to change my PC password to something like, ‘itsabeautifulday’. I typed it in each morning and I think it began to register with me.
April 10th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Thanks everyone - there is “Reality” on this site.
At present, I feel like a ball of snow that is rolling down a hill, getting bigger as it rolls. I have been on disability for a year, and am in “Research and Development” ( I like that better than saying- “I am a sucker for every online network marketing scheme and opportunity out there!”) - which has been the truth; But I have finally been introduced to an opportunity that is motivating me, is fun, and the potential is huge. But then “Me, Myself and I” gets in the way -with my thinking!!
And you guessed it, the snowball keeps rolling! Is it going to hit an obstacle,or maybe get run over, or even melt( as the snowmen that the kids made last month, did).
So , what exactly is the “Tool” I am a visual person - what is the right “tool” , the act of relacing the word “OR” with “AND”?
What tool do I need to pick up as I proceed to prepare, and plant my vegatable garden?
I am taking a Web making course, plus starting an online venture, and a friend wants to sign up with my venture (which she likes) and I can sign up with her venture- which she is estatic about.
So many opportunities— WOW , I was just going to put the word “but” in this sentence, I think I am getting it as I type! rephrase—-” So many opportunities AND I am working on my Web Course, getting caught up with the past 4 lessons And I Am journalling the progress that I am making with my new venture.
Best Go- my work awaits! Time to put the carrot nose and top hat on “Frosty” - I feel the snow ball has stopped rolling, I think I will keep it and make a beautifull snowman !!
April 10th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
I felt trapped in a job I hated a few years ago, as my salary is the main one in our household. After having a breakdown and taking weeks off with stress, I decided to go back to work deciding that i would put all my energy outside work and family commitments into exploring interests that do make me happy, with a view to creating a career change out of those interests. Just over 1 year later i was finally in a position to leave to a more enjoyable position, and i’ve studied part time with a view to working on a new freelance career in the future. A change in your attitude is the start of making things happen. It’s not easy, i’m not in my dream job 3 years later: but i’m in a job i like much more than the last one, and i’m now qualified to go out there and try and make a go of my freelance career!
April 10th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I totally agree with you Anth. Our thoughts and subsequent words do shape our actions. A few days ago I took notice of a phrase I often use - “Fair Enough”. A friend had said something to me about their situation and even though I kind of felt he was essentially making an excuse to not do something to better his situation, I didn’t want to say that so I said “fair Enough”. Then I thought about how often I use that phrase when I don’t want to stick my foot in it by saying what I really think and I realised that it was not only limiting the other person but also limiting myself. Although I am not responsible for another persons choices, by me saying its “fair enough”, I am only reinforcing their disbelief in their ability to change their situation, and also reinforcing in my own mind that a lower standard is ok, cos its “fair enough”. So at that point I thought I should change my use of that phrase… and only use it for positive reinforcement, fair enough??!!
April 10th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Hi Anth
i was given compulsory retirement age 60, got involved networking to supplement income in what i beleived to be a great opportunity, and i still do believe that, but my self talk and procrastanating keep getting in the way of moving on, i have hit the maximum commission level several times but keep slipping back, because i put off coming out of the comfort zone.
what do i need to do to overcome this?
April 11th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Thanks all for sharing your thoughts, ideas, issues and solutions. So inspiring. At the moment I am working on a year long programme called the Alchemical Journey (I think you and John Wadsworth, the coach who devised it have a lot in common Anth). The journey takes us on an adventure around the wheel of the year. We are at the beginning of the year, in the sign of Aries, the start of growth, the fire and passion of creation. One of the commitments is to plant the seeds for future change. Keep it simple, but bring in change by planting a seed - no need to plough a whole field, build a green house, get overwhelmed by future possibilities, just plant the seed now. Do something like Chris with his password, or Valerie signing up for a web design course. Think about what ANDs you would like in your life in a year and plant a seed! Enjoy. Thea xxx
May 8th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Hello! I am thoroughly impressed with your knowledge of Relationship Coaching. Your insights into this article about Relationship Coaching was well worth the the time to read it. I thank you for posting such awsome information. Signed James Kryten on this Day Thursday.
September 12th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Hi, the trick is to continue doing what you are doing, the unfullfilling job, and prioritise additional focus on your desired goal.
The ultimate goal whatever it might be ( a great and rewarding occupation, my own boss, no worries about money or wealthy beyond my dreams) is a huge goal, break it down into smaller chunks and take action on the little chunks. In achieving each little task you will feel the reward of achievement which will fuel the process of ongoing change. Doing this whilst in your existing job or situation gives you room to change without facing the huge goal directly. Every time you go to your unfullfilling job and have negative experiences there you think “this is just fueling my real goal, being here or doing this is just a step to my real goal”; more positive reinforcement, more reward. Reward for something you don’t like, how good is that. and it is self perpetuating. You are adapting your subconcious mind and the process snowballs. It works, try it.
Steve