Why are other people so annoying?
Have you ever noticed how other people can be so annoying! The things they say often don’t make sense, they can entirely miss the point of what you’ve just said and sometimes they just seem to be trying to be awkward!
To be honest, it’s sometimes seems that many people live in a different world to you, why is this? Why do people behave and think in such bizarre ways?
What is really going on?
Well, before I explain what is going on, I’d like you to all take a moment and remember the very last time you walked though the door of a shop. Imagine how surprised you’d have been if everyone looked EXACTLY like you! Not just the same clothes, but the same hairstyle, the same build, even the exact same face.
It would be pretty weird wouldn’t it; you’d have probably thought you’d just entered an episode of the Twilight zone!
So, why is it that we all expect people to think the same way we do, to value the same things and to agree with us on pretty much everything we say?
The funny thing is that none of us actually live in the real world at all!
We all make up our own little versions of ‘reality’ and then behave as though it’s real!
If you take a moment to think about it, as human being’s we can never actually experience reality, all we to operate on are the electrical stimuli of our senses.
We quite simply make the rest up.
It’s been calculated that we are bombarded with 2 000 000 bits of sensory information every second! And if we’re going to make sense of it we have to filter it!
We can filter all this in three general ways.
We can delete, distort of generalize.
We delete by simply deleting information that isn’t important, for example the feeling of your tongue in your mouth now, most of you will not have been aware of this consciously until it was mentioned.
We distort by taking a set of information and transforming it our heads to something not related to the original information at all - except in out own heads - for example when we see shapes of animals in clouds! Or the creaking floorboards being Father Christmas bringing us presents.
We generalize by taking small amounts of information and generalizing it to all things for example when a man is mistreated by a women and decides that all women are bad all of the time! Or more usefully, when you’ve opened a few doors you generalize and can pretty much open most doors.
These processes are neither good not bad; though as the last example shows they can be either more or less useful.
So why is this important?
Well when we take this information which we have deleted, distorted and generalized we re-create ‘reality’ in our own heads. Now this representation is not reality itself, in fact it’s now far removed from reality - We have in fact created our own map!
The Polish Philosopher, Alfred Korzybski coined the phrase:
‘The map is not the territory’ though those of you who don’t think you like map reading may prefer to think of it as ‘the menu is not the meal’
If you think about it maps come in many forms and whether they are a good map or not, really boils down to whether they are useful or not for hat you are trying to do with them.
For example, imagine being in a strange town, trying to find your hotel with a national road map, the road map may give a fair representation of the layout of town, but if you want to find your hotel before bedtime, you’d be better of with an A-Z.
So how does this relate to us as people?
Firstly recognising that you are reacting and interpreting your own map is very empowering, you no longer need to change anything outside, you only need to change your map and the whole world will change around you.
Secondly, recognising that we all have different maps can be a great benefit, especially if you accept that your map is as unreal as everyone else’s. All you have to do now is get curious about who’s map is most useful in your given situation.
I suspect that as you begin to wonder about this, you’ll begin to notice that the best results often come from sharing maps!
In the above example, the person with the national road map can get you to the correct town, and then the person with the A-Z can find your hotel in time for a drink before bed.
So maybe now, next time someone seems to be talking as though they are from a different planet - maybe you will realise that it’s because they are, and that’s a good thing!
And a final word of warning, if you’re always having great ideas, if everyone is always agreeing with you - then you’re probably asleep!
‘Vive la difference’
Anth.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:49 am
Hi Anth,
Great theme this one about people’s own map to navigate through life. The “problem” is when some ignore, are critical or simply want to impose their map on others. It is due to ignorance, sheer brutality or their own trauma(sometimes the combination of all). Most of these people are just lazy, they refuse to think and be mindful which is the best way to live and let others live: common sense. I am often annoyed by so many lazy people, they prefer to say sorry rather than being mindful and behave in ways to make the difference , to contribute with possitive action, etc. I often try to be as mindful as I can, it is a constant exercise but not doing so I cann’t even imagine.