Unfreezing your relationship
Another Simple Tip I’ve been getting quite a few requests from people wanting another technique to help them take more responsibility for their experience of life.
I have decided to use this email as an introduction to one of the linguistic techniques of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP).
Those of you who have read Take Control Today, will already be familiar with using subtle changes in the words to change your perspective on a problem.
changing ’should’ to ‘ could if’ being the obvious example.
Today’s technique deals with another subtle way that the language you use can rob you of your personal power,
For example take the phrase: ‘Our relationship is driving me mad’ the use of relationship here is an example of a nominalisation. This is a process in which a verb (relate), is termed into a sort of noun (relationship) the point here is that it isn’t a real noun, its not real thing you could put in a box.
The effect of making this change is to make ‘relationship’ an entity outside of yourself, and something, which is controlling you, rather than something over which you can exercise control.
The way to deal with these nominalisations is to change them back into the verb they were derived from, in the above example you could ask yourself: ‘How exactly would I like to relate to this person?’ This has the effect of putting you back in control, doesn’t it?
Some further examples would include:
‘We have a problem with communication’ ask yourself: ‘how would I like to communicate?’
‘This stress is too much for me’ - Ask yourself ‘What exactly is stressing me?’
‘Failure is frightening’ - ‘What specifically is it that I think I fear?’
In each of the above examples the first statement contains a verb that has been given an identity as a thing (noun) [communication, stress, failure] By changing them back into a verb and expressing the statement as a process - you gain control.
This may seem like a trivial distinction, but the effect of these nominalisation is subtle, insidious and can have a very real effect on your perception of your personal power.
Here area couple of examples to try for yourself, I’ll drop you an email tomorrow with some potential answers.
1. Anxiety is controlling my life
2. Procrastination is my main problem
3. We must make a change in our attitude
If you are to increase you personal effectiveness and exercise more control over your life, rather than it be something that happens for you, why not have a play with this, I think you’ll be surprised.
This is one of the processes of the Meta Model, developed by Bandler and Grinder as an integral part of NLP.
These linguistic techniques are very powerful, but you don’t develop your skills reading, get out and give this a go, I’ll introduce another linguistic tip in a couple of weeks. So have fun and enjoy practising ;o)
Bye for now,
Anth.
