Are you really free to choose?
One sure fire way to recognise that you’re are not taking personal responsibility for your life is when you find yourself thinking you HAVE to do certain things. The truth is there is always a choice!
You might not be totally comfortable with the idea that you are choosing every aspect of your life yet, but once all the arguing is over the only thing that you can truly control is your reaction to what happens around you.
I’m a big fan of stacking the deck in your favour by being proactive and working towards what you want. But, no matter how well you set goals, plan and take action some things will just ‘blind side’ you and in many ways it’s how you choose to react to the set backs of your life that will control how your life turns out day to day.
But is it really that simple?
The classic story of man’s ability to choose his response is Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” in which he describes his experiences in the Nazi death camps of the Second World War. This really is a powerful demonstration and is mentioned in a large number of personal development books. It is a deeply moving book, but in many ways it loses power because it has become almost a cliché.
It’s almost as if is so horrific that people can’t relate it to their normal day-today lives.
But, if you look for them I guarantee you will see examples of people choosing to react positively to negative situations all around you.
Imagine my surprise when just after moving house I was exploring my new local area on my mountain bike and I discovered a huge field of Buffalo! If you don’ know already, let me tell you Buffalo are pretty rare in North Yorkshire! Yet here was a field with what looked like hundreds! I was amazed and more than a little curious.
This may not seem relevant until you hear the story of how they came to be in that field.
It turns out that a struggling local farmer bought two buffalo to help his son who suffers from Cystic Fibrous and is allergic to dairy products. The farmer Mr Langhorne heard that buffalo milk is creamier than cows’ milk, higher in calcium and lower in cholesterol, and correctly supposed that Andrew might be OK with it.
The good news is - he was right the buffalo milk was perfect for Andrew. It didn’t stop there though, word of the buffalo milk spread and Mr Langhorne found he had a premium priced product and he was soon struggling to keep up with increased demand from people who wanted to buy the buffalo products.
In interviews with the local press Mr Langthwaite revealed that his traditional dairy business had been struggling and he didn’t know how to turn it around, he had no idea that the buffalo would come to his rescue; he just wanted to find a way to help his son.
He admits it wasn’t all plain sailing, but 10 years of continued growth later the Lanthwaite’s Business now have over 300 buffalo and have become one of the most successful in North Yorkshire selling their exotic farm produce across the country.
How could you choose to use the learning here?
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:10 pm
All very nice, but what about people who are stuck in jobs they don’t like and have no choice because they need the money?
Dave.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Dear Dave, We work with individuals who are terminated from their jobs. Many times these individuals did not really like their job, like you, they stayed for the money and the security. What we have learned is that everyone does have a choice. Think about the job you would really like. What skills, abilities and education do you need to move into that job? Have you talked to your employer about courses to improve your skills? If your employer does not pay for courses, check at a local community college for courses. Also, think about finding a mentor. Someone who can help you work towards the job that you want. Perhaps, someone who is in the field you want to work in. Depending on your circumstance, you may need to take small steps at first but continue to work towards getting the job you really want no matter how small the initial steps. Good luck in achieving your dreams.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Jan - what if you have the skills, abilities, and education, but still have not been able to get the appropriate job?
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:29 pm
Ottavina - From my experience making the choice to focus on something positive or giving yourself permission to deliberately distract yourself from a negative situation can be helpful. For example as someone with skills, abilities, and education for a specific role but is either missing out on opportunities or simply not finding opportunities to undertake that role in any circumstance at all calls for the ultimate in perseverance. So one could focus on the perseverance you are exercising and developing during what is a very difficult time. While persevering in the search for the appropriate position it is important to focus on the tangible benefits of what you are seeking, and sometimes necessary to delay your search. With respect to deliberate distraction - try give yourself permission to take a breather and get a different perspective (doing anything that distracts you, for me it is zoning out by window shopping, meditating (not on the issue but on something else important to you, or watching a good film). In whatever way you can put some distance (physical, mental, or spiritual) between you and the objective! My experience has been that using these strategies I find truth in the statement “this too shall pass”.
Another thing I have found helpful is to change just one thing about your situation. So for instance when I have procrastinated over cleaning up at home I will move a chair or give myself permission to vaccum one room or empty one bin. Sometimes that one positive action is satisfying enough to spur me on to make another positive action.
April 28th, 2008 at 12:00 am
I am beginning to accept your words as my mantra… transforming your message into a habitual part of my life.
April 29th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
DaveB,
I really do appreciate what it’s like being stuck in a job you don’t enjoy and to feel like you have to stay because you need the money and maybe this article will give you a clue as to get yourself “unstuck”.
I guess you might not like the idea that you are there by choice after all it can be a bit of a tough wake up call and the answer isn’t always immediately obvious. However recognising you are choosing to be there really is crucial because it puts you at cause in your life!
Being at cause means you have choices and you can get the best out of them by asking yourself better questions.
Remember that you are not stuck in that job forever; there are millions of other jobs out there in the world. How do you think your experience would be different if you were to recognise that your current job is a temporary stepping stone to something else? What could it teach you? Maybe you could exercise those skills in a job you’d enjoy more. At the end of the day nobody can tell you, it’s your life and you have to choose how you will live it.
There are many ways out and one that is time-proven is to educate yourself out. Millions of people have done just that! And this is only one approach. I would suggest you don’t need anything special like a magic wand but you would benefit from talking to some people about possible options, developing a plan and get busy working on it.
It might take a few years but it is a lot better than the alternative of thinking you have no choice. After all even if it took 5 years of working your plan to get out, you’d still be out wouldn’t you?
So when you going to start?
Anth.