Are you making this mistake?
There is a fundamental truth at the heart of the personal development and coaching industry that you are not being told, and it’s not what you think!
Success should be easy! There are any number of books, audio programs, DVD etc. telling you how to move forward and be successful in life. There are thousands maybe millions of coaches, trainers and speakers who make a living teaching people how to turn their lives and their businesses around.
Every now and then someone reinvents personal development, usually promising to make it easier and quicker!
So how come there are so many people struggling to achieve the promise of these personal development gurus?
This truth begins to hint at the fundamental truth I’m going to reveal to you now!
You will not do it on your own!
That’s right, if you try to turn your life around on your own again, you will probably fail!
The Personal Development industry is built on people selling books that most people buy but don’t read. If they do read them, they don’t do the exercises, and even if they do the exercises then chances are they go off and buy another book without actually applying the learning.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
I’ve read that less than 10% of self-development books bought are actually read! What percentage of the books sold do you think actually make a measurable difference in the lives of the people who read them? (And I don’t mean in extra feet of shelf-ware).
Are you someone who has tried to turn your life around and found yourself drifting back into your old habits?
If so you’ll want to check out this blog over the weeks and months ahead because I intend to turn the personal development industry on it’s head and to help you to take control and create a life that really matters to you!
I’ve studied and applied personal development for around 20 years and for the vast majority of that I made little lasting progress. I read hundreds of books, drove thousands of miles listening to countless audio programs, yet somehow I actually felt worse!
Slowly I began to recognise that personal development is a form of addiction. Great well meaning and skilled people who seem to living their dreams while telling you that you can go anywhere, be anyone and do anything you want! No wonder people love listening to them, after an hour listening to this your inspired – then comes the crunch! That’s right, pretty soon reality bites and day-to-day living gradually undermines your dreams and good intentions, before long your reaching for another ‘fix’ (sorry I meant audio program!).
Many of these programs provide great information, the tools and techniques they offer really could work! So how come for the vast majority at best they end up being shelf ware and at worst they actually end up making people feel worse?
Believe me, buying another audio program in not the answer; you do not need any more information you need to take different action! But if you haven’t, then chances are you won’t and you’re not alone. This again hints at the secret at the heart of the personal development industry.
It’s been said by many that if you keep doing what you’ve always done you will continue to get the same result. Expecting anything else is madness!
Hey, I’ve still a long way to go myself but I’ve had enough; I refuse to sit his one out one the sidelines. Over the next few months I am going to turn the personal development industry on it’s head and I’ll be keeping you in the loop.
So where to start?
Well these emails are read by a lot of people with similar interests and challenges. So as a first step and in order to help people share I’ve set up this blog. The primary aim being to give people chance to comment on, share, discuss or argue about this points raised.
Remember you won’t do it on your own, and neither will I. So why not tell the world and me what you think about this post by adding a comment below and lets get people talking,
Bye for now,
Anth.
March 17th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I look forward to your inspiration and your “kick in my ass.” I would like to make a constructive criticism, if I may. As one who desires to assist us all in the area of personal development, it would behoove you to proof read your blog. There are numerous errors which does not speak well of the submitter. We are all in a hurry in these busy days but when we communicate by email or the written word, it should be error free. There, I just gave you a “kick in the ass.”
March 17th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
I see I made a grammatical error in my hustle to get my post submitted. I should have said, “There are numerous errors which do not speak…” I apologize for my error. I am also looking forward to the supportive comments as we all charge forward in our lives.
March 17th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Anthony
You are spot on! I have called myself a “self-help junkie” for years. Yes, I have all of your Steps to Success program. I read them. Did some of the exercises…then life got in the way. I stopped doing much in the area of personal development (new term for self-help) for a while.
Now I am at it again. Listening to CDs, podcasts and trying to get into meditation. Of course I am also in the middle of life changing decisions so I am looking for answers.
So yes! Please keep me in the loop.
Thank you.
March 17th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Hi Bruce,
Thanks for the “kick in the ass” Bruce, I just hope you had soft shoes on.
I agree that it important to be clear and to proof read my work and you’re not the first to comment on the errors on my writing I guess I sometimes get carried away with what I’m writing I will keep working on it, but it’s still good to get feedback.
One thought to build on your feedback is that it’s often more important to get started and learn from the feedback on the way. Experience has taught me that far too many people hang back and wait to be ‘fully prepared’ before taking a chance and getting started. Here’s to getting started and living with the odd mistake.
I will go back over the post tomorrow so thanks again.
Cheers,
Anth.
March 17th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Hi Ralph,
Well done for stepping up and recognising your pattern this is a great place to stop and reconsider how you could do something different now.
You could begin by picking one decision and asking “What specifically is my outcome here? and how will I know when I have made a good decsion? (what will be the evidence that you will see, hear and feel?)
Begining to focus on the outcome rather than the desired behaviour will naturally change your focus.
It’s true life is one long series of decisions and at some level they are all life changing. I wrote an earlier post on this here:
http://empiricalcoaching.com/blog/?p=12
Having said all of that, I look forward to helping you break this cycle in the near future.
All the best,
Anth.
March 17th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Hi Folks,
Lessons I have learned:
Someone above said, “Life gets in the way”! Try saying that with your final breath!Our attitude gets in the way, our lack of persistence gets in the way, our indecisiveness gets in the way, but Life- never.
Life is what it’s all about! Isn’t it!
Take control today! Is a mouth full! Scientists don’t control a lot. They are discoverers, they find, they identify, they label and they move on. Doctors don’t control many of the illnesses that are life threatening like meteorologists don’t control the weather and the list could go on ad infinitum!
To recognize, to discover and label does not mean to control. The very most we can hope for is to understand and try to accept or, failing that, to minimize the effect or maximize the defense, if you will. To iradicate is a very inept word, unless followed by the words “for now”. Iradicate simply means to render to a state of latency and latency, of course, is a temporary state. To control means to create an expectation which ,if not realized, will lead to discouragement or dissapointment which, in turn, leads to dissatisfaction and finally these interfere with that state we chose to call happiness!
Can we do better? Certainly we can! If that is what you are about then I say go for it! If it’s contol then think about the impact. What we humans attempt to control we mess up, we break , we pollute and we eventually destroy!
What we attempt to understand and preserve, in order to better serve others and ouselves, we leave to our fellow humans and to the generations we call posterity!
There are no weaknesses only opportunities! No mistakes, only lessons to be learned which add to our experience and act as reminders of actions we wish to attempt to avoid or which we wish to add to our repetoire and to cherish as useful. This choice is what sometimes makes the difference. We need to learn to make better choices. Life supporting and life endearing choices
My apologies for the length of the dissertation- but not for my passion for LIFE and the discovery and sharing of the true and present value of every human being
Have a happy day!
John
March 18th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Dear Anthony,
I offered to proof your work for you nearly a year ago in return for your assistance. Perhaps I should have tried harder to get your attention. Well… that’s the lesson I took from it.
Chris
March 18th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Hi John,
Great post and very thought provoking, here’s to life getting in the way of my final breath for a while yet.
Your post hints at the core of why I called my coaching practice Empirical Coaching. I believe that life is one long journey of exploration and the best way to learn and grow is to get up and live your life to the full. It’s been said by a lot of people but that doesn’t make it any less true that life is not a dress rehearsal – this is the main event. This is why for years I’ve been working with my clients encouraging them to learn to enjoy where they are while moving forward take action and learning on the way. Far too many people are putting off living their lives waiting until life gets easier. The truth is that life is a process and there will always be more to do so it’s important to learn to be happy where you are while working towards what you want.
As far as Take Control Today is concerned I will think about your feedback. The title is supposed to reflect taking control of your own mind and accepting personal responsibility for your life – which may seem a paradox with the above post but I’ll add more detail on that over the coming weeks.
This blog is about taking responsibility for your own life. The keys principles underlying this include recognising you can control of your own mind, learning to be happy now, while working towards what you want, living a life of passionate engagement and moving forwards taking action learning and having fun. While at the same time recognising we are social creatures living as part of the interdependent whole.
Thank you for sharing your passion for life,
Anth.
March 18th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Interesting discussion and I look forward to reading more Anth. - I always make time to read your emails as they resonate for me and what I am trying to shift in my life and for my organisation.
I have been really tied up in detail and panic recently, over-stretched and very uncomfortable which led me into two thought streams on my walk to work by the sea (a vital time for getting back in touch with the bigger picture on the horizon every day). Yesterday I put some real energy into focussing back on my vision for my life, including my working life. Re-creating the picture as a way to inviting the good stuff back in. Today, lo and behold a call offering a highly skilled volunteer for 8 weeks next month. That’s the sort of response I like! Remembering that discomfort is often an indication that you have an opportunity to change a behaviour. This time is something about shifting from response and over work into planning and investment - a lot to change there, and if you can help make it easy Anth I’m up for it.
The blog is a great idea as the other thought I was mulling over is how we retain and refresh our belief and trust in our ability to transform our lives. I go through wonderful periods where my strength and joy comes from an absolute trust in each moment and suddenly I look up and find that’s gone and I’m back in anxiety and fear. Looking forward to reading other people’s thoughts and hearing more from you Anth. Thanks as always.
Thea
March 29th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Thea
As I was reading your response , I was reminded of what I sometimes say to others- ” If I never have : bad / difficult / uncomfortable / or hard times, would I be able to appreciate and be as grateful for the good times that I have?
Also, Anth, I am getting lost with all different areas that one can read and enter your Blogs. They are all so interrelated. Any suggestions? I want to go back to the first e-mail, and lesson you sent and read through all the latest posts in each section.
March 29th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I think I may have part of my answer. I can scroll down the outline on the right hand side of the page and go through the headings where there are (numbers typed) beside them.
April 6th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
in response to Johns dissertation, i found your article to be deeply profound and summarized for me what ive read in numerous books.
cheers
April 8th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
It’s great there are books and blogs to give us the occasional ‘fix’. I, for one, use these as part of my strategy.
I like to remember that life is about experience and the ‘bad’ emotions are as much a part of that as the ‘good’. Without them what would life be.
Love your thought provoking ideas. Keep up the good work.
May 1st, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Hello,
I am not a self help junkie, I am a how to write junkie, that is the first step to recovery. Thank you Anth I have read your blogs and have found inspiration in them.
Bruce chill! Life is full of things that annoy us, and really with all the horrible things happening in the world, why stress over a few errors. I can notice a spelling mistake a mile away but it doesn’t eat at me.
The essence of the writing the joy of taking each new blog and reading it throroughly and the replies, encouraging you, helping you, supporting you and you worry over a few errors. Your life must be really tough.
Loving your work Anth.
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article Are you making this mistake?, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.