Anth Quinn

Do you struggle to get motivated and follow through on what you think you should get done?

Have you ever wondered why that might be?

If you’re sick of trying to figure this out logically, then maybe it’s time to consider another approach as you recognise that most of your decisions on what you’re going to do are not logical!

The truth is whether you recognise it or not yet, you tend to make decisions at an emotional unconscious level and then switch on the logic to try and convince yourself you made a good decision.

These emotional drivers are very powerful and today I’m going to look at one of the most common traps that people fall into when considering what they should be doing.

…and that’s it – did you spot it?

It’s that “should” word, this little word along with all of its brothers and sisters (must, have to, mustn’t etc) may have been causing you trouble for years.

Can you see that when you tell yourself you should etc, you living under the beady eye of some “unseen” judge?

Who is that? Who have you appointed as the judge in your life?

It is a basic principle of motivation that it is very personal and comes from within, other people may inspire you but you motivate or demote yourself with the meaning you give to events and situations.

“Have to” thinking is very common and if you’re habitually telling yourself you have to, or you should - you’re unconsciously letting this unseen judge sit in judgement over your life.

Is that really ok with you?

The strange thing is that chances are that your judge isn’t a real person, its just mix of the rules you learned and accepted as you were growing up and you’ve spent your life trying to live up to.

…have you ever noticed that you’re never good enough for this unseen invisible critic who you’ve appointed to sit in judgement on your life?

We all know that trying to live your life as a “people pleaser” putting your own hopes and dreams aside to be liked and accepted by others is a path to unhappiness and the same applies when you’ve spent your time trying to please the “unseen” judge.

Is it any wonder you find yourself unmotivated when all you get are knock backs and criticism about what you did wrong and how you weren’t perfect!

The thing is that you learned these rules to “keep you safe” and your internal critic is really just trying to do its job; it can’t reason it just applies the “rules” that you learned. But it will fight hard to keep you safe it you try and crush it or ignore it.

Luckily there’s a much simpler way and that is to acknowledge that it is working to keep you safe and begin to recognise the old lie:

“I want never gets”

This universal lie is bandied about by well meaning people intending to promote politeness and respect for others.

But here’s the thing, what do you think accepting that as a deeply held unconscious belief taught your unconscious mind?

I’ve met hundreds of people who are so used to accepting some form of this belief that they don’t even know what they want.

Personally I think that recognising what you want and going after it is a good thing and I encourage you to do just that and if you want to respect others then encourage them to do the same.

Now, I can almost hear the chorus of how this attitude is selfish etc. and if you’re thinking this way you can take this as a sign that at some level you think going after what you want means stopping other people having what they want.

It’s a funny thing that those who feel most judged are often the most judgemental.

Learn to accept yourself and you’ll find you accept others, it’s almost like magic – I think it was Ghandi who said:

“He found it easy to forgive and accept others because inside he was such a rascal himself”

I personally believe passionately that we live in a highly interdependent world and that the world would be a far better place if more people were living the lives they wanted to and accepting others who are doing the same.

The bottom line on this is that it is only by going after what you truly want that you will ever find real deep long lasting motivation.

…and consider this.

If you were to begin to ditch the old “have to”, “shoulds” and “musts” in your life and began to listen to the little voice inside as you do more of what you want in life…

…how much happier would you be as you related to the world as the real you, following your heart’s desire or true purpose?

…how much more focused and productive would you be applying your talents to projects of deep personal meaning.

Would it be ok for you to ask for what you really want?

Is that something you’d want for yourself and those around you?

Whatever you choose to do, remember to have some fun,

Anth.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 4th, 2009 at 5:00 pm and is filed under Motivation, Myths and Lies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.