Are all motives equal?
Motivation requires motive, is a nice catchy little phrase, but are all motives equal?
Did you know that motives for change come in two broad categories, moving towards something you want, or away from something you don’t?
If you are someone who naturally is naturally goal orientated, then chances are that you have a clear idea of what you want and find setting clear goals and achieving them comes pretty easy to you.
If you are someone who has gotten used to moving away from what you don’t want, then chances are that you could easily tell me what you don’t want, or what you want to stop doing. But if I ask you what you want, you’ll struggle to answer.
“Away from” motivation is very powerful but makes a poor long term motivation strategy for a number of reasons.
How many of these have you experienced?
1. Away from motivation is directionless, if you hate where you are then jumping in any direction might be preferable – ‘out of the frying pan and into the fire’ could apply perfectly here.
2. Away from motivation is cyclical, meaning that while you’re in pain you will be very motivated to move, but once you move away and the pain begins to subside, your motivation will decrease too. A typical example could be losing weight, if you feel fat you may in so much ‘pain’ that you can stick to that diet. But as your weight drops your motivation drops too and pretty soon ‘one cake’ won’t hurt will it? And the weight starts to creep back etc.
3. Away from motivation can move you towards what you don’t want! You will tend to move towards what you think about, so setting an away from goal means you have to think about what you don’t want, in order to avoid it. This means that you will be unconsciously focussing on and moving towards what you don’t want! Bad move!
4. Away from motivation feels bad! I don’t know about you, but personally I prefer to feel good most of the time.
All of the above is true but away from motivation is a very powerful force in driving human behaviour, most people will act much sooner to avoid pain, than they will to get something they want. My guess is it is so powerful because for most of human history it kept us out of the fang filled mouths of predators!
People who know me will understand why I prefer to make change easy; this means I’m all in favour of using your natural habits to initiate change, and if you’ve been used to away from motivation it can create a great short term strategy for getting you to take action.
So how can away from motivation be used?
Well if you are struggling to make some change then you could harness the power of the negative emotions you are experiencing.
Gets some leverage on yourself, just what is not taking this action, breaking this old habit, or avoiding those conversations costing you, and what will it cost you in future?
While frustration, anger, disgust etc. are not great emotions to experience, if you are experiencing them you can use them to fuel you into taking action!!
Maybe it’s time stop wallowing in your emotions and use them to your advantage?
When you have got the cost out in the open and have decided that you are not going to pay it anymore!!
List out 20 actions you could take to begin to change this, if you can’t think of 20 get a friend to help! Remember change is much easier with the support of other people. Keep going until you get 20! Then pick the top 3 and do them!!
If you want an even bigger kick in the pants, set up some cost for what would happen if you don’t take the action! And get someone to hold you accountable.
Once you’re moving and begin to see progress you can begin to set some towards goals and you’ll be on your way!
Final thoughts for today on ‘away from’ motivation
1. Recognise that it is best used as a short term tool to get you to take action, once you are taking action and moving forwards it’s best to begin to aim for some clear goals. Once you are moving these goals will give you something to focus on and keep you moving forwards. I like to think of this like a plane taking off an aircraft carrier. The catapult and engine gives the plane a tremendous push to get it in the air, but without wings it will crash into the sea. But combining the catapult, engine and wings (goals) the plane soars!!
2. If you find it difficult to describe and set goals to move towards, begin by writing down everything you don’t want and then for each write what I would prefer is… Working at this exercise will allow you to gently transfer your attention as you begin to focus on what you do want.
That’s my view on this, what do you think?
All the best,
Anth.
April 1st, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Anth,
You are a voice in my life that continually is understanding how I feel. Everytime you send something it seems as though you are putting into words my state of mind. Thank-you again. I am going to follow through with your advice. I will let you know what happens. You are such a blessing to me and don’t even realize it, I’m sure. May you walk with an open heaven always, and continue to be blessed beyond your imagination.
A while back I sent you a personal note and you responded, thanks. You are a genuine person I think. I hope you continue to share the way you do.
Be filled with much love and blessings from above,
Michelle
April 1st, 2008 at 2:53 pm
This is most helpful in clarifying how to focus on making clear what you want.
Thanks
Irene
April 1st, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Anth,
As always very insightful. Thank you very much. Lois
April 1st, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Good ideas on how to gently transfer ‘away from’ goals into ‘moving towards’ goals. I find I can be very strongly in a ‘moving towards’ space, but with lack of attention/time this can slip and I am in a space needing to motivate from pain again. I have always found it hard to really pinpoint what it is I positively want (very much an all rounder Sagi who will happily turn her hand to anything), but recently realised that I do in fact know what will make me happy - it’s just a bit hidden. The ‘I am’ statements from the last post will help I think, as does keeping the enquiry open and trusting the answers to float to the surface and your idea Anth of balancing what you don’t want with statements about what you would prefer. Enjoy checking in with you guys. Thea
April 1st, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Motivation is the key to bring all ends to ones means!
Keep Up The Great Work
April 1st, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Great explanation of the process Anth.
It’s linking into what we WANT that seems so hard for a lot of people. So many just react to what is happening rather than making it happen for themselves
Marian
April 1st, 2008 at 9:07 pm
As always true words, thanks Anth. I have often struggled with being motivated to “do things” but not always in a particular direction. I have also always been a “list maker” and a few years back I learnt that writing down wants and goals was a sure fire way to encourage myself towards them, however it is very easy to make a big list of lots of little things, maybe this is more about procrastination than motivation! At any rate, I think it works all ways - if you focus on something, good or bad (to or from), it will be brought into your realm and so it does pay to try and be clear about what you are trying to achieve from your motivation. I have found that establishing a wishlist is a great way to start things rolling because knowing what you want can often be the hardest step in the process! Blessed be, Anth, your emails are always appreciated!
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Hi Anthony,
I look forwards to you words as they do comfort me after a long day at work. I feel that i am a motivated person, but as i work in a disfunctional team it is very hard to stay motivated.
I love my job, but as you would know, it is quite difficult to make change. The majority of people that i work with absolutely hate the thought of change. I have attempted to suggest little change that would simplify all our work load and have hit a brick wall. But i must state that the elderly people that i work with know that they are loved.
Thank you Anthony
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:15 pm
HI again, I guess that the changes that i choose to live by are the only ones that i am accountable for, and i must say that i do sleep well at night,
Cheers Katie
April 5th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
I guess I never analysized this process before but I can see where spending some time on why we don’t get more motivated is helpful because it causes us to be more successful. Thanks for the information.
Autumn
June 9th, 2008 at 3:20 am
Anth, I so despise the idea that WE are responsible for all that happens in our lives. Much of it, I do agree, is in how we respond to stimuli. However, we did not cause the stimuli. For example, take the case of a little girl getting shot by mistake during a drive by. Take, for example, the Jews getting exterminated during the Holocaust, or the African Americans being enslaved and their families separated. Tell me how did THEY cause what happened to them? How could thy NOT blame the perpetrators.