Anth Quinn

Imagine for a moment that you gave someone a gift and the looked at it, smiled and then dropped it on the floor and smashed it under foot - How would you feel?

Angry? Hurt? Furious even?

Whatever your reaction chances are you wouldn’t be feeling too kindly towards them, would you? If they were asking you to help them, how keen would you be?

Well, luckily this kind of behaviour is reasonably scarce, so why bring it up?

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Do you know the difference between a state and a goal?

Many people are confused by this and I often hear people stating their goals as things like: I want to be happy, I want to be relaxed, I want more be more confident. However, these aren’t goals these are desired states,

A goal is something we work to achieve, whereas a state is quite simply and internal state of being that results from the interaction of our thoughts and physiology.

Having said that all of the goals we set are really the means to an end, which is often a state. For example people may want lots of money for the sense of peace they think financial security will bring.

In coaching we do a lot of work to help people set powerful goals, which are aligned with their values and also to ensure that the goals will work together to move them in the direction they want to go.

There is no doubt that working constantly towards a series of goals that are aligned with your values is a great and fulfilling way to live and does bring a deep sense of purpose, growth, peace and happiness.

That’s sounds great doesn’t it, but let’s be honest, we’re all human so what about those days when it all just seems a bit too much? People you love begin to annoy you, you begin to feel overwhelmed and maybe even jump into some good old self-judgement! The last thing people in this situation want is someone telling them is that they would feel better if they had a purpose or a mission. What many people really want is quite simply to feel better now!

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Yes, your life is a perfect example of what you have done with excellence throughout your life and so is everyone else’s around you.

In the last article I introduced the concept that each of us has own unique ‘model of the world’ and we can often get the best results by sharing maps. In this article I aim to get you even more curious about how to improve your understanding of yourself and others and to use this increased understanding to help you improve your own life.

As part of my overall coaching methodology, I am one of the minority of coaches who pay particular attention to the effect of a client’s environments. I believe that many people underestimate the effect of environments of all types, and today I’d like to share one way you can begin to use one piece of your environment to your advantage.

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Have you ever noticed how other people can be so annoying! The things they say often don’t make sense, they can entirely miss the point of what you’ve just said and sometimes they just seem to be trying to be awkward!

To be honest, it’s sometimes seems that many people live in a different world to you, why is this? Why do people behave and think in such bizarre ways?

What is really going on?

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What’s limiting you?

Lets face it, very few of us believe we have everything going for us, everyone can come up with reasons why they are not living the life they want?

These limitations come in many forms:

• Not being able to go back to school because they have to look after young children,

• Working in a 9-5 job they hate because they need to earn enough money,

• Not being able to get out cycling and keep fit because of the dark evenings,

• Not being able to have a relationship because they have to care for an elderly relative,

• Not getting that promotion because their boss doesn’t value them,

The list goes on.

The seductive thing about these excuses is that by holding them as true, people get to be justified and right! They don’t have to go after what they really want because they have good excuses.

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As part of my ongoing research into what works in the field of personal development and transformation, I’ve recently revisited a number of programs I listened to before becoming a coach.

From my late 20’s onwards, I became increasingly fascinated by the field of personal development and while I was often inspired, I found that after a while I found myself drifting off back into my old habits and thought patterns.

Listening to some of these programs, it because increasingly apparent that even though the very best of the motivational speakers admit that they often struggle to make a long-term impact on people.

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Have you noticed its getting towards the end of the year? [or it was when this was written - how are you getting along with your goals for the year?]

By now you probably know my thoughts on the effectiveness of setting ‘New Year Resolutions’ and I won’t be surprised to hear that I won’t be advising you set any this year. However having said that, the end of one year and the beginning of a new one seems to be a natural time (along with out birthdays) that people sometimes reflect on where they are in life, and what they would like to achieve.

The problem is that most people don’t do this in a structured way and usually set goals that seem important in the moment.

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I’ve been receiving a lot of questions from people asking if it’s OK to send the motivation worksheet to their friends? Or would it be best if they got them to sign up too?

As you will see, if you’ve tried it recently, we have disabled the ‘tell a friend’ feature due to concerns around whether it could help proliferate SPAM, and I get enough of that to dislike it as much as you, it seems the current favourites I’m receiving are: [removed]

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As promised in the last entry, I’ve attached a worksheet for you to use in increasing your levels of motivation.

Click the link below to access the pdf worksheet

http://www.empiricalcoaching.com/pdf/motivationworksheet.pdf

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If so, you’re not alone, we live in a technological world in which many people have quite simply lost their way.

In many ways it’s not surprising, we live in a world of bewildering choice, with increasing job mobility, pension’s uncertainty and the break down of the extended family is it any wonder people all over the developed world, people just lie you are asking, isn’t there more?

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